Thoughts #14

I have this thought that in a relationship we should let it, you know, feel the pain, like do things that might cause friction as in not anything which is inevitable, of course. As in if there is some information about your past or your present that u want to say to your other half and u just prolong it because you think that it might cause some clash between the two of u. I think we should not let that happen cause in the end that information is yours, it is a part of u and it is what it has made you. And if by chance this particular thing hampers your relationship then good. It was like a test. If you couldn’t handle the other when they are being themselves then it makes no sense.

So, to summarise I believe that we should not stop anything from having the relationship endure some forces, some burns some push cause if you continuously try to save it from these things at one point of time or the other your better half is going to come to know.

I can’t deny but both of us are feeling this disconnect between us and none of us knows why could it be. I certainly can as in its not that happy feeling you know, I understand not all the time will we be happy with each other but we need to be strong about us, do u see the difference between us, u and her. You might be angry at her but u can’t let this destroy ‘us’ as you call it. Until you believe in ‘us’ nothing can come your way. The day you start doubting this ‘us’ problems might start.

And to be clear, I have no problems with ‘her’, and yes, this time I am referring to Miss-who-is-mine-now as her. Cause she is the one. I love her and she is amazing. She pushes me to be my best and apparently, I am the “Best boyfriend ever”. I am not making this up, u see, its in quotes.

So, I too have a past like everyone else, like her too. But I have been a little reluctant to talk about it to her. But I think tomorrow when I meet her I will. I want to. She has never upfront asked me anything in particular, ever, as far as I remember but I am not blaming her. I will tell her all myself. And I will see what happens. I will patiently wait and see how she responds to it. I don’t know. I am hoping she would still believe in me and us after this. See there is nothing right or wrong.

And with past, I specifically mean ‘7-year-old’ the older version of her for me. You understand. And apparently, I am going to meet her too, probably at my home too. And probably just before her. see the thing is I am clear and both of these women know where they stand in my mind. And most importantly I am clear. I know who is who and who means what to me. And who has done what to me. Who has treated me in what kind of way? I know it all and it is clear. And I want to make it clear to her too. And I will tomorrow. We will see whatever the consequences are. I am ready to face it. But I am only ready to be with her if she accepts me for who I am.

This is something I cannot change and frankly, I don’t want to. I will never want to. I have been who I am now because of those experiences and those people and I like what I am becoming.

I love you beautiful and I love us. It’s the best thing happened to me yet. And no this is not lying. And I am not saying it because I have to, it’s because I want to. I want to be with u and I would love it if u accept me for who I am. I love u sweetheart.

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