The Waters are murky

Since the last few days, like a week or 2, I have been unhappy with my relationship. This doesn’t mean she isn’t, it’s just I am not happy.

So my girlfriend is doing an internship in a National Newspaper along with attending her 3rd-year BMM from a good college of Our State. And she seems to be able to handle these two things well, you know, like managing work, reporting with completing assignments and sleeping on time to attend classes. But in all this what is hurting is me.

Hear me out, I guess right now that is exactly I want to do. speak up. I am very supportive of this new endeavour of her’s and I am proud that she is doing so many things which will really boost her career in terms of contacts and experience. But she isn’t able to take out time for me. Now this sentence is very subjective. For some taking time, our could be just texting 5 minutes a day or talking for hours altogether.

The case with me is that even I am busy with a new competition coming in October and with studies and the drone team, so yes, time crunch exists for me too. But I do take out time for her, we have decided to talk from 11:30 -12 cause after that time, both of us sleep. but this isn’t so fruitful. Sometimes she sleeps during call, or is sleepy so we end the call early.

See the point is we are doing things, talking regularly and texting and sharing things but it is not up to my extent. It is not happening as much as I would like or I am not getting that quality time with her. but for her, apparently, this is too much.

Yesterday she told me that this seems too formal to her, talking every day and all those things. What she wishes us to be like best friends, now I don’t understand what does that actually mean but yeah that’s what she wants.

We talked about it a little, I told her what problems I have from her and the way she is in this relationship but one she made very clear and that is that work and studies are her priority, which I am fine with, I don’t want to be her top priority but in this case I feel she has pushed me down so much that I can not be in this relationship. She pretty much told me that this is how it is now it’s up to u now.

She said she doesn’t know what to say last night on call and asked for some more time. I told her today u think and tell me at night and I said we won’t talk until then.

So even I got a day to think and this is what I have thought.

Knowing her, she never wanted a boyfriend. She just wanted a good friend who would support her and an FWB, which a boyfriend comprises of but there is much more to it which she doesn’t want and cannot give. So if we continue this relationship things won’t get any better.

And the thing is that things were better before this internship, things were good, I liked it, there were things that I wished could improve but the situation was way better than this. She also mentioned that talking on the phone is really difficult for her. And before this internship, we would video call and that would go really good.

And yeah her internship will get over in a month or two but she plans on doing another this month and then she will start working. So I can only imagine it not getting any better.

On the other side, if we do break up, it would be mutual, I believe we can still be good friends and talk on the phone occasionally and share links and things on WhatsApp and things and when I go back we can meet and spend time together. I am not sure about being physical with her only if I am not committed to someone else I am open to it. We can meet near her college and spend a day together and just be like best friends.

When I picture this happening, I see there won’t be a lot of change as to what we are doing now. Maybe the daily calling might reduce, and other things but it will help me a lot in the sense that the expectations I will have from ‘my girlfriend’ will not be there from her and that will be a lot better for me.

maybe I do have that relationshipy kind of mindset, a little lovey-dovey where romance will be there with other things too, being best friends, teasing, tying different things in bed( i may or may not have missed an ‘r’ on purpose.) but yeah that’s me and if u don’t want me it’s your loss, cause I know how good a person I am.

So a part of me was like he doesn’t want to end this relationship cause it been just 7 months and we know I can do better than this. Cause I for some reason had thought that I will be with the girl I will first be in a relationship with all my life so yeah it took some time breaking that stereotype but yes I will break it up if that what is better for me.

And I have learnt a lot about myself in this period and it been really fruitful. I can make better choices I am more confident about myself. I like this period and I know whatever happens will happen for our good.

Also, yeah that’s me. this is the most I have revealed myself. it was during a trip with my classmates to a hill station some 100 km from my college.

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